"A safe but sometimes chilly way of recalling the past is to force open a crammed drawer. If you are searching for anything in particular you don't find it, but something falls out at the back that is often more interesting."
-James Matthew Barrie
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
-M. Scott Peck
"The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency."
Search has been a pretty major part of my life lately. I have been searching for answers. Searching for freedom. Freedom from caring. As crazy as that may sound. Even after being hurt and my feelings cast aside, I still cared. Today when I pulled the word search, I immediately thought, "BUT I AM ALREADY SEARCHING!" Thinking of all the time I've been searching for ways to honor how I connect with Mother Earth. I thought, "What else could you be teaching me?" It took a bit of digging to realize that this is not the searching I needed to focus on. I am firmly rooted in that search. Rooted in a way that it is an essential part of the rest of my life. Never stop searching. But what else? What have I been avoiding?
All this time I have been searching for the freedom from caring. Caring about others happiness when I can't control another person's happiness. Searching deep within myself for the power and permission to not care. I give myself that. This is not a selfish act but one out of love. For I no longer have any bearing on these moments in time where others have to choose to be happy in their own minds. I look in the mirror daily and choose to only control my happiness because, well, that is all I CAN control.
Freedom. Ah, yes. I have found you. And I must say, you are looking ravishing tonight.
Peace and Love.
P.S. The winner of the Hip Mountain Mama giveaway is....